Reasons to be me
by akatsukinokuruma
Summary: What do you do when: Your older sister is so perfect no one notices you? Your crush is in love with someone else? Your two best friends are dating so you barely exist? Get a selfhelp book. And a boy, who just might turn your life around...
1. A book, a boy

Reasons to be me

A self-help book. Can lead to many things.

Summary: I am miserable. My crush loves someone else, my sister overshadows me, and my two best friends are dating! Will _anyone_ ever notice me? Can a boy really make your life turn around? So completely, that everyday seems to be glowing with happiness and love? Can this be my life[Meyrin's POV, AU

**Chapter One – A Book, A Boy**

Crying. Sniffling. Those two sounds were common, coming from Meyrin Hawke's closed door. Her sister sighed, and shuffled into her room. She had a date with Rey tonight, so she didn't exactly have time to go and comfort her baby sister, who had went to her room, claiming she had another 'headache'. More like heartache. Luna closed her door, trying to shut out the sounds from one unhappy Meyrin Hawke.

And Meyrin _was_ unhappy. Very much so. Life simply wasn't fair. Athrun Zala, whom she had secretly admired since the first day she spotted him at her new high school, was in love with Cagalli Yula Athha. And how could he not? She was so beautiful, confident, and his age. She had some many virtues while Meyrin looked at herself in the mirror and only saw faults. Her face wasn't bad, but with her pigtails, it made her look cute, but young. Very young. Her waist wasn't so slim as her sister's and her legs needed to be covered with long skirts. She wasn't ugly, it just seemed no one saw the shy Meyrin Hawke behind the large shadow Lunamaria always left behind. _They both are so confident, and believe in themselves and others so much. I have none of that, and so people don't know I'm alive!_ Meyrin thought rebelliously.

Lunamaria. Her older, beautiful, self-assured sister. _She_ had a boyfriend, has a place as captain on their school's soccer and volleyball teams even though she was merely a sophomore. Meyrin only had brains, for she hated too much exercise. Well, maybe that wasn't it. Maybe bad memories of gym class where she was always chosen last left her sting and hurt. She didn't participate in any of the school's major sports, and liked only badminton. Which did not draw much attention from the school. They didn't get court times if rugby or football needed a gym, no, they got the boot. So Meyrin's sports life was pretty limited. Her brains were another story. But being an honour-roll student also didn't get her well known. She just couldn't stand waking up feeling unhappy and trudging through the snow to catch the bus to her school where another day of being ignored greeted her gloomily.

It was even worse now. Stellar Loussier. Shinn Asuka. Her two best friends, were now dating. So they suddenly didn't seem to have too much time for her.

_What am I to do?_ Meyrin though piteously. Then she remembered something.

Self. Help.

Yes, self-help. Miriallia, Meyrin's badminton doubles partner, (well, before she moved to mixed doubles with her boyfriend, Tolle Koenig) had mentioned how read a story of a depressed girl who write down all the happy reasons she had for living, thinking of at least one a day. Miri had mentioned it actually did make some sense, and Meyrin had silently disagreed. When you were as unhappy as she was now, your brain can only think of reasons you should… not live.

_But it is worth a try. It may help, and won't do any harm. I'll try it!_ Meyrin jumped up, grabbed her wallet, and hopped out the door, yelling to Luna, "I'm going to the store, I'll be right back!"

Luna sighed. No doubt Meyrin was going to buy some aspirin or something. Luna honestly disapproved of using it, but Meyrin seemed to get so many headaches, that she had had to get resigned to that idea.

Meanwhile, Meyrin was running to the store. She reached it, and went inside. She knew where everything was, so she went straight to the corner where she had seen many piles of shimmering notebooks. She walked over and looked at them.

_That one is pretty. It's all gold. But the silver one looks awesome too. Oh, a red one! No, the light green one over there! That's it! _

Meyrin reached over and picked up the light green book. It had no lock, but that was fine. She just had to hide it somewhere. Meyrin walked up to the counter.

"Hello Meyrin. It's nice to see you on this bright day." The man behind the counter smiled at her. "Buying a notebook? For your diary?"

Meyrin flushed. "No… just for fun."

"Alright. That'll be $2.07."

Meyrin paid and then ran home again. She popped into the house and hopped into her room. She grabbed a pen and jumped on her bed.

"What to write though? Just happy thoughts? Hm…"

_Well, today, Shinn talked to me for awhile. So he doesn't forget about me even though he has a girlfriend now… And then Stellar is having a party this Friday, and I will sleepover. Shinn won't be sleeping over, so I can talk to Stellar too. And… the teacher said we would get a new student in my chemistry class. Maybe she can be a new friend. Yeah! Life isn't that bad… Luna won't be here with Rey tonight; they're going out… so I don't have to feel awkward. Dad is on a business trip and won't be back for two weeks though… so I don't have to cook for him, I guess?_

"Meyrin!"

"Huh? Luna?"

"MEY!"

"I'm in here!" Meyrin grumbled and sat up.

"Okay. I'm going out now. Umm, we're kinda out of milk and eggs… and bread. Can you go to the store and pick some up before it gets dark?"

Meyrin sighed. She always had to get the groceries. "Sure…"

"Thanks Mey! Love you a bunch! I'll be home at 11, maybe 12 at the very latest. Don't wait up for me! Oh, gotta go! Rey's here!" And with that, Luna was gone.

Meyrin sighed. Might as well get those groceries right now. She walked into the kitchen, and grabbed the jar that held money for food. She pulled out ten dollars and started out the door.

_What a pretty day it is today. The sky is blue, the grass is green, there is a nice breeze, the sun is warm, birds are chirping, squirrels are running around. This weather makes me happy._

Meyrin walked in and bought more things, saying hi to a baffled Mr. Hayzen, who was wondering why she went on two separate trips.

Meyrin grabbed the bag that held her food, and walked out the door. At the door, she noticed her shoelace was untied, and bent down outside the door to tie it, placing her bag beside her. All of a sudden, a body crashed down beside her, causing her to jump.

"Eek!" She squealed. A blue-haired boy lay at her feet, his skateboard digging into her bag of food, milk spilt, eggs cracked, and brad smushed.

"Err… excuse me… are you okay?" she asked him. The boy got up, and groaned. Meyrin's eyes widened. The boy's nose was bleeding quite severely, but that wasn't it. He was so… cute. His eyes were aqua, and his hair was such a pretty blue when the sun shone on it. He looked so cute.

"Ugh… Tezu."

"Pardon me?"

The boy lifted his hand from his bleeding nose, and said again, "Tissue!"

"Oh! Right… umm, I think I may have one…" Meyrin felt her pockets. None. She jumped up, and then felt them again. Flat. Ugh. Meyrin checked her back pockets. Nothing. Then she heard the boy laugh.

"What's so funny?" she asked him, somewhat indignantly.

"You." He said, grinning up at her. "You look funny jumping around like that."

Meyrin huffed. "Well, _excuse me_! If _someone_ didn't ask for a tissue!"

The boy laughed. "Yeah. Good point. Never mind though." He got up, and wiped his bleeding nose on his sleeve.

"Eww!" Meyrin grimaced. "It's still bleeding."

"I'll be fine. Though I can't say the same about your groceries. Here, I'll give you a IOU." The boy ripped a piece of paper from his pocket, and wrote "IOU" on it, and handed it to her. "I'll find ya."

"Find me?"

"Yeah, to pay you back." The boy glanced at his watch. "Whew! Gotta split! Later, Red!"

_Red? A nickname?_ Meyrin smiled. She looked at her reflection in the store window, and realized she was very red. _Oh no! I was blushing the whole time! Like an idiot! No! But… he is so cute. Wait! No, I don't know his name!_

--

Well… how was it? I got the idea randomly… wrote a bit of it, then found it just now and wrote out the rest of the chapter… please review, I need opinions and feedback:)


	2. Signs of a good day

**Reasons to be me**

A self-help book; can lead to many things.

Summary: I am miserable. My crush loves someone else, my sister overshadows me, and my two best friends are dating! Will _anyone_ ever notice me? Can a boy really make your life turn around? So completely, that everyday seems to be glowing with happiness and love? Can this be my life? Meyrin's POV, AU

**Disclaimer:** Okay, first, I want to say, do we even need to do these? Its not a rule, is it? Cause I'm pretty sure its quite obvious most (or all?) of theses writers aren't the real author of the original storyline… who started this disclaimer thing anyways? I just did it cause I THOUGHT it was standard and I'm STILL doing it cause its fun, hehe!

So, I don't own Gundam SEED of Gundam SEED Destiny or any of its characters; if I did, I'd…. Well, I'll think about it then. ;)

**Chapter Two – Signs of a good day**

The sound of an annoying buzzer usually woke Meyrin up. But not today. Today, she chose to wake up to the sweet sound of birds chirping. (this is not because she forgot to set her alarm, :wink wink:)

She rubbed her eyes and rolled around to face the window. It sure was beautiful outside; the sky was blue, the sun was shining, a soft breeze was blowing; it was everything a perfect day should be. _Today is going to be a good day for me._ She decided.

First things first; get changed. Her school had a uniform of course; but it didn't mean that you couldn't add your own personal touch. Meyrin usually wore her uniform properly; shirt tucked in, sweater buttoned all the way, and skirt pulled to a decent length. But since today was such a warm day; she decided to try something a little different.

After brushing her teeth, Meyrin opened the door to her closet and pulled out the uniform t-shirt. She pulled it on, then grabbed her skirt. No socks today! And as a finishing touch, a light pale yellow jacket. It was the perfect material for a day like today.

Meyrin then stood in front of the mirror and pondered how to tie her hair. On a perfect day like this, she couldn't have her normal pigtails; no, she needed something different. She tried pulling her hair back into a ponytail, tried braiding it; even tried to do an intricate wave design her mother taught her. But none of them seemed to work for today. _Maybe I should just leave it down._

Glancing at her clock, she realized it was already seven-forty. _Wow, I spent twenty-five minutes getting dressed today. It usually just takes five. _

Meyrin walked out of her room and into the kitchen. Lunamaria was already sitting there, though still in pjs, eating a bowl of cereal. She raised an eyebrow as she saw Meyrin's outfit.

"A bit strange of you to be wearing a jacket over your uniform, isn't it?" she asked.

"What do you mean? Lots of girls wear sweaters over their uniform before and after school and during lunch break." She replied curtly.

Luna shrugged. "I was just thinking it wasn't like you. And no socks? That's a complete first for you."

"It looks warm today." Meyrin replied defensively.

"If it's so warm then why didn't you tie your hair? Leaving your hair down makes it so much warmer."

It was Meyrin's turn to shrug. "I wanted to put it down for once."

Luna sighed. Meyrin sure did have a lot of mood swings. It was just yesterday she was lying in her room crying. "I'm gonna go get changed then." Luna dumped her now-empty bowl in the sink and shuffled past her sister in fluffy bunny slippers. Meyrin looked down at those slippers in envy.

"_Mommy! You're home! Guess what! Me and Looney cooked dinner for you! Guess what it is! Guess, guess!"_

_Mrs. Hawke smiled. "Hmm, hamburgers?"_

"_No mums, we had that yesterday!" Meyrin pouted._

"_Umm, lets see. Hot dogs?"_

"_No mum! I'll just tell you, you aren't a very good guesser. WE MADE MAC AND CHEESE! We even put some real cheese in it! And guess what! I grated it all by myself!"_

_Mrs. Hawke smiled and ruffled Meyrin's hair. "Did you really? Oh thanks you two, I'm so glad you two are such good helpers. I bought a present for you."_

"_For ME? REALLY? JUST ME?" Meyrin exclaimed excitedly._

"_No, for both you and Luna. Luna, come here, I have a present!"_

"_Welcome home, mother." Ten year-old Luna walked into the hall. "What is it?"_

"_BUNNY SLIPPERS! AND GREEN FROGGY ONES FOR ME!" Meyrin tossed the pink slippers to her older sister and pulled the frog ones on herself. "OHH, MOM, I love it! My favourite colour!"_

_Mrs. Hawke smiled tiredly yet lovingly down at them. Meyrin looked up and beamed at her mother. _

Meyrin had lost her slippers many years ago. Luna still had hers, and somehow still fit them. Her sister took very good care of them, and they were still as soft and fluffy as of yore. Meyrin pulled out her light green notebook.

_Goal # 1. _She wrote. _Find another pair of fluffy green froggy slippers. _

Sure it was superficial in a way; but it was important. Sentimental value.

Meyrin grabbed her book bag and an apple. "Luna, you ready yet?"

Her sister came out wearing her usual hot pink jacket over her own uniform. "Yep. Let's walk, we have plenty of time."

Meyrin and her sister walked down to the main doors of their apartment and then began their trek to school. The walk usually took about twenty-five minutes, depending on the traffic; the more traffic, the harder it was to cross streets.

When the sisters arrived, Rey was standing outside the gates already. He nodded at Meyrin while Luna clung to his arm. "Rey, you'll never guess what happened ye…" Meyrin walked away from the couple, a little down. _No, this is MY special day. No one else can bring me down!_

She walked inside the school and strode towards her locker. To her surprise, the empty locker beside hers was now claimed. By a familiar blue-haired boy. Oh no, it was HIM! Her eyes widened. _What's he doing here? Beside MY locker?_

He turned around, and flashed Meyrin a heart-stopping smile. Meyrin felt her cheeks burn. "H-Hi Athrun."

"Good morning. Haven't seen you in quite awhile. Did you quit debate team or something?" Athrun asked.

Meyrin nodded. "It was interfering with my homework. I couldn't juggle my schedule. Besides, you guys have Cagalli now anyways."

The truth was, Meyrin had quit shortly after Cagalli joined. The reason wasn't because she felt spite towards Cagalli; she just couldn't bear seeing Athrun together with her, holding hands, smiling, gentle expressions and little couple-y gestures that went on between them. Besides, she wasn't much of a debater; she mostly researched the topics and only spoke up when the rest of the team was stumped.

"Yeah, but the more the merrier, right?" Athrun smiled his warm, gentle smile. It always made Meyrin's heart flutter. This was no exception.

"O-Ohh, y-yeah, I guess, you can see it that w-way." Meyrin looked down at her feet. "Anyways, why are you here, Athrun? I mean, beside my locker."

Athrun grinned. "My old locker was the unfortunate spot for a nasty fight. It was badly dented and the lock was busted so the custodian moved my stuff out and this morning told me there were a bunch of spare lockers here. So here I am."

Meyrin nodded. "I see…"

"Do you not want me here?" Athrun pretended to pout. "I can always move, if you hate me THAT much!"

Meyrin shook her head feverishly. "Oh no, that's not what I meant at all! I only was thinking about how strange it was that your locker was busted and it was such a coincidence you moved here and—"

"Hmph! So you think I'm lying, do you?" Athrun put on a mock frown. "Well, Meyrin Hawke, I'm sorry to inform you I'm here to stay!" Athrun then smiled, ending his joke. "Anyways, shall we get to class? The bell's gonna ring pretty soon." And as on cue, the first bell sounded. "Well, I'm off. See you around, Meyrin."

Meyrin nodded. But as she turned and walked down the hall, she put her hands on her cheeks. They were burning hot. _Ohh, is this good or bad? He's RIGHT beside me!_ Meyrin then gasped, and dashed up the stairs into her class, sat down, and pulled out her notebook.

_Reason # 1: Athrun Zala is now my locker neighbour. _

Meyrin closed her notebook and smiled. Suddenly there was a tap on her head and Shinn Asuka slid into the desk next to her.

"Yo." He said casually.

"Hey." Meyrin smiled at him. "Did you just get to school?"

Shinn nodded. "Yeah, cause SOMEONE who said she was gonna walk with me didn't show up until even _I_ thought it was late and had to run out the door and walk two k to school!" Shinn sulked.

"Come on Shinn, it's not even two kilometres… Stop exaggerating." Meyrin stuck her tongue out at him. "And I'm sorry, I was really busy last night, how was I supposed to remember?"

"I didn't think you were the type to forget about your best friend." Shinn looked down and saw the light green book. "Hey, what's this?" He touched the cover, about to open it.

"NO, DON'T TOUCH!" Meyrin yelped. She grabbed the notebook and hugged it to her chest. She realized the whole class staring at her and like Shinn, who was wide-eyed, they looked quite shocked. "I-I mean, it's private." Meyrin sat down, blushing.

Shinn nodded, unconvinced, but left it alone at that.

After class

"I'll see you at lunch, okay Mey?" Shinn patted her shoulder and went upstairs. To wait for Stellar. Meyrin sighed a little, then perked up. _Good day, good day, today's gonna be a good day._

**BONK!**

_Okay, OUCH!_ Meyrin rubbed her head and looked up, dazed. She looked into familiar aqua eyes of the boy she had just bumped heads with.

"Hey, Red!" he exclaimed. "Fancy meeting you here." It was the blue-haired boy from outside the store. Except he looked a bit banged up. And she wasn't talking about his sore head.

His nose had a band-aid across it, and another band-aid lined his cheek, and his left eye was forming a bit of a bruise. He looked like he just got beat up.

"Are… Are you okay?" Meyrin instinctively reached up to touch his cheek. It was swollen.

He looked taken aback. "Uh yeah, just a little accident." He grinned. "I didn't catch your name last time."

Meyrin looked up again. "Oh, its Meyrin. Meyrin Hawke. You?"

He scrutinized her for a moment, then nodded. "I'm Auel. Auel Neider." He mocked.

She glared at him. "What?"

"It sounds so funny. Like those stuck-up pros answering the phone. 'Oh, I'm Wendy. Wendy Yegetalife." He grinned.

Meyrin couldn't help grinning back. His joke _was_ pretty lame, but there was something about his voice and smile that made her want to smile too.

Auel grabbed her arm and began walking towards the doors, where it was less crowded. "So, um, about your groceries…"

"Oh yeah, I still have your IOU." Meyrin pulled a neatly folded piece of scrap paper out of her pocket.

Auel grimaced. "Yeah, about that… Is it really urgent?"

"Well, just your standard eggs, bread, and milk…" Meyrin cracked a smile. "But we need them for breakfast… and lunch… and sometimes dinner…" Meyrin thought aloud.

Auel cocked an eyebrow. "Dinner?"

"Don't ask."

"Okie dokes." Auel rubbed his head. "I don't have any money on me at the moment, but maybe I can borrow some… I'll ask around, and meet you at lunch? What lunch do you have?"

"Second lunch. The 12:30 one."

"Yeah. Um, I'll meet you… umm, in the English hall? Five minutes after the bell."

"Alright."

"Okay, Red, see you then!" he waved and then walked away, quickly blending into the large masses of people. _Red. Did he forget my name or is it just the name he wants to go by?_ She wondered.

Reason # 2. I just met a cute boy who already nicknamed me.

Lunchtime

Meyrin rushed out to her locker to quickly grab her books. _English hall, English hall, Auel, Auel._

"Hey Mey-Mey, where do you want to eat lunch to-day?" Stellar's singsong voice sounded behind her.

"Er, not right now Stel! Have to be at the English hall. Like, NOW!"

"English hall? Nut it's not class time." Stellar frowned.

"Meeting someone. Gotta go! Catch up with you later, okay?" Meyrin flashed an apologetic look to Stellar before dashing off.

"Stellar?" A voice behind the blond-haired girl inquired.

"Shinn!" Stellar's face broke into a smile. She ran up to the raven-haired boy and gave him a big bear hug.

"Where did Meyrin run off to?" Shinn asked.

"Umm, English hall. She had to meet someone. She said she'd find us! Come on Shinn, let's hurry! It's make-your-own-taco day! I wanna go before someone takes all the jalapeno peppers!" Stellar's strange indulgence. Spicy food.

Meyrin ran around the corner and saw Auel leaning against some lockers. When he spotted her, he straightened up and shot her a rueful smile.

"I couldn't round up enough money. My buds are kinda mad at me right now. How about I make you another offer instead?" Auel queried.

"What is it?"

"How about… I invite you over for dinner? And make your lunch everyday. For a week!" Auel burst out.

Meyrin stared. "Um, um…"

"What is it?" Auel asked nervously.

"I have a sister."

**Author's Notes**

Boo Haven't updated in so long! D; Anyways, how did you like it? I think I put in too many details… unnecessary details ;P But I love those… ;-;

Umm, if some of you don't get the ending, Meyrin means she needs lunches for her sister as well as herself. :) Hehee, well, PLEASE REVIEW cause it makes me happy to know I'm not the only one reading this story; and any input helps a lot as well! If you have any questions, feel free to PM me or send me an e-mail :) My address is on my profile page! Have a happy time reading! (AND REVIEWING :HINT HINT: XD)


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